Chit Chat

So, I started my goal of trying to talk to people almost everywhere I go some days I can’t but a lot of the times I do. I’ll tell you about what makes me not want to talk to a person if they abruptly come by me I don’t have a chance to think of what to say. Also, when I’m not really one on one with the person. Most of the few friends I had I met them one on one and then they would introduce me to people. I haven’t met anyone my age in a while though I really could use a friend. It would be cool to meet someone in my building.

But ok. I remember walking to the 7/11 and the chicken place at the 7/11 they had this girl in there at the Dunkin dounuts and I asked her about her day and how long she had been working there the convo was just that but it went fine. I didn’t ask for her number because the conversation wasn’t long. Then try to talk to the cashier I don’t know what he was trying tell me. But then I went to the chicken place and talk to the cashier there this older guy it went well he talked mostly about his life but hey I haven’t lived really. But then I went back there on two other occasions and one time again it went well but the third time he asked if we could sleep together. I’m like huh wtf and basically feel weird about going back there. I really thought I could have a friend even though he was older. My mechanic and I talked once meeting him for the first time we exchanged numbers but as usual I don’t answer because I don’t know what to say but I met up with him again and had a little convo and it went well and he asked me if I wanted to go out that night but I was like no. I haven’t been invited out since my cousin and I last started talking long story short about her we don’t talk anymore a few arguements. I met this guy in the elevator I should have tried to continue talking to him he was cool. I really need a friend. But I have some ideas on how I can make friends possible I want to start a vlog so I’ll see how it goes.

I started a class and I’m talking to ppl in there and this older lady already invited me to her church next month. Yay! It’s something lol I really don’t get out. I went to church one in the time of trying to talk to people too I met this lady but I didn’t know what to say I’m just so horrible at speaking to people. I just try to ask the right questions and listen. I guess I’m a listener but after so many years of being inside since I was a child I really just don’t have much to add.

I have a really long ways to go before I can date because I can’t just sit there. I’m so just awkward because of my past. I plan to do more things and talk to people for some experience in life. I’ll keep praying about friends and a life though. Thanks

Old self vs. Future Sel

Old Self 

  • Think people are above me
  • Don’t think positively
  • Not Enough
  • Broke
  • Procrastinator
  • Lazy
  • Dont give my time to God enough
  • Low self esteem
  • fat
  • unclear skin
  • Not able to talk to people
  • Afraid to go out on most outings alone or with people
  • Can’t take criticism
  • Think about how unfair my life is
  • Want things God didn’t give me

Future Self 

    • Going to Christ with all my burdens
    • Self love and love for people
    • Growing in CHrist
    • Own several businesses
    • Able to express myself
    • Understand people
    • Read Often
    • Reach 130 lbs
    • Learn NEw Skills
    • Bachelors and Masters Degree

Something apart of My Growing Human

Traveling, creative and helping others and throughout it all God! Those are all I wish to become and have a stronger faith.

Everyday I’m one step closer to reaching those goals. Helping others has always been apart of my life’s goal. From since I was little I wanted to become a doctor. Until right now I try to volunteer when I can but my ultimate goal is to work for a non profit in another country while using my creativity.

My blog will be helping myself as I help others.

Give Life Examples

pexels-photo-226597.jpegI remember as me and my mom were talking about two nights ago I think that when I was little two cars broke down while I was in it and one was a station wagon in New Orleans because it’s where I’m originally from. I can’t remember a thing about my city maybe from years of depression as a child til now with no one knowing til my early 20s or maybe I might actually have something wrong with my head. I may see a neurologist or something like that. But in the mean time those are about the very few memories I have most of them not this one obviously but most in a school setting. I don’t remember my own my growing up. I felt like I didn’t even love my own mom until recently because I forgot about her it was the strangest thing. Here I’ll give you another memory me in maybe the 1st grade calling this kid Vincent who actually liked me a bastard while receiving those books you pay for at the book fair you remember those lol Poor kid cause I also told the teacher he was acting up in the classroom but it was actually me and of course I being the teachers pet would have her believe me lol poor kid again lol I did not like him like that lol I had my 1st grade heart set of for my first crush Jonathan lol I bet you don’t find this strange me giving you my earliest of memories but I do. Mind you I barely had friends as a child always roaming the school all alone from about the 2nd grade. I use to go home by myself and be alone at an early age probably 2nd or 3rd grade. Alway alone til today as well with a slight few friends here and there. But a loner nonetheless. Middle school my mind was numb idk how to explain it I was so freaking numb I didn’t know how to talk to ppl only friends I had were my neighbors but then I barely talked. But I was still loved by them. So I to this day don’t know why I can’t remember trips I took, my mom the ppl I grew up with and just my life. I’m still that way some ppl say it’s because I didn’t have friends from an early stage in life until now stable friendships besides a few. I really don’t know I don’t remember this it seems unless I do something not all the time it has to be something I like or things with people but I won’t really remover much about the conversations. My mind is a total fuck up but I’m still trying to make it and live life to my fullest. Maybe it’s God saying that since you had such a terrible life thus far I will give you something you will never dream of.

An Old Classic

pexels-photo-761150.jpegReading takes forever if your a slow reader. However, this book was effortlessly smooth for me to go through. You might remember it from your childhood. I read it because I wanted to see if I remembered anything from it and I did.

The story goes, a family of three in a small village in India(based on a Mexican story) are poor they’re child gets bit by a scorpion. They need to get help from the one and only doctor in the village. He turns them away because they have no money so they go into the sea to try to find something of value. (Hopefully you don’t catch on until the ending) Yes, the go into the sea they find this thing that can forever change their lives. All this times he hears these songs from his ancestors and now that of the thing which is evil makes everyone in the ton dream of the thing they can buy from it. They soon hear the songs of evil from the gods and soon Kino, the husband, is stricken with fear and anger like a beast that someone will steal the thing. One night he hears a sound of evil and a person searching for the thing and he’s bombarded with rage so strong and blindness from what this thing has truly done to him he kills a man mistakenly. Then his wife, Juana, finds out and they know that staying there he will be tried and he won’t have a future with the baby and his wife. So they take off with the help of his brother and sister in law and leave but in the end they get caught and one of the guys whose out a tracker out to get them accidentally kills the baby thinking it’s a coyote. So in the end they head back to the village and throw the Pearl back into the sea.

Now you get it the name of the book was “The Pearl”. It’s an old classic. But the book show that how hard it is to break out of being poor and be thankful for what you have already because his wife wanted to get ride of the pearl long time. Now I wish other books are as easy to read. Yes I know it’s a middle school book though lol Sorry if I offended anyone didn’t mean to. There will be more book reviews on my blog. Please be encouraged to read more. Later!







Diving In: My life Begins


My name is Rae. I was born in December 2017, can’t recall the date; as I have issues with my brain– but no seriously; but it was a start of something new for me you see I’m an adult that’s never lived before. Doctors haven’t told me but I think I was born with depression and my life even as a little kid was what I call numb because I was only myself around my mother. And that continued til December for the most part. Even though there were some odd occasions where I was myself but I’ll get to that for now all you need to know is I started life when most ppl are fully immersed in it since birth. It’s like I just woke up.

Some of my post will be coming from my night shares I may call them where I usually wake up in the middle of the night and think the most wonderful thoughts.

Anyway, I’m just woke but there’s another issue I’m not as smart as the average person my age because I just woke. So you’ll go with me thru the challenges of becoming a human being and just learning and exploring and living my life to its fullest as cliche as that sounds but I want to live.

“Go where you feel most alive!” — unknown